Dumb Dogs

I posted a blog (1/4/10, “Dumb Cats”) that poked some fun at my sister and her blind fondness of cats. I cited the results of an impeccable English research team that concluded that dogs are smarter than cats. I got surprisingly little flack from my sister for that posting (I guess she either agreed with me or forgivingly tolerated my assault), although another family member vehemently objected. Oh well, you can fool some of the family all of the time, all of the family some of the time, but there’s always a clinker in the closet.

Intelligence—being a very subjective and even somewhat arbitrary measure—is a topic few of us can agree upon (which is why I referred to the scholarly study of the Brits). Your cat may be dumb but mine is the epitome of perspicacity. My cat even leaves your dog in the ditch.

Granting that intelligence is a relative thing, I will acknowledge—in an even-handed, broad-minded manner—that dogs can be pretty dumb too. (Although mine is very smart.) I recently had a lesson in the difference in cognitive power between dogs and coyotes. It is a fact that domesticated critters are dumber than their wild counterparts. Long ago humans selectively bred a few animals—dogs, cats, cattle, sheep—to become docile, malleable, submissive, and calm… i.e., dumb.

Coyotes have been smart enough to avoid being controlled by humans—they hang around, just out of sight, and do pretty much what they want to do. Now, some people might argue that dogs (formerly wolves) are more intelligent, since so many of them have humans fawning upon them and pretty much doing their bidding. That, however, is mere selfish manipulation. Not intelligence. That’s pretty much what cats do… it’s sort of a devil’s bargain. The dog may get pampered, but the manipulation goes both ways. Leave a dog in the wilderness and it’d be helpless.

What is my acid test that coyotes outshine dogs? I’ve heard a few coyotes barking on a quiet night. They have a call that at first sounds rather eerie, but as I listen, I find it quite melodic and beautiful. Their yip is uttered only occasionally, it is variable in quality, and it’s almost as if they are singing. I get the feeling that some kind of communication is going on.

A dog’s bark? Well, so many of them are boringly repetitive. It’s just “ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, …” They can’t seem to stop. They sound very stupid and dull, with no imagination or attempt to communicate, other than, “Here I am… dumb old me. Ruff!” These canines are more like a machine than a sentient being.