Decreasing Dissonance

Most of us periodically suffer from what is termed “cognitive dissonance.” Its official definition is that uncomfortable mental tension we experience when our beliefs and our actions are in conflict; when there is a discrepancy between them. For example, if I believe that lying is wrong, I will get an uncomfortable feeling when I don’t tell the truth.

There are other forms of cognitive dissonance, but I’d like to focus here on those cases where our actions come up short of our values—those occasions when we would like to have done better but didn’t. Speaking for myself, I often find a gap between what I hold to be good behavior and my actual behavior; and my conscience will bug me about those shortcomings.

So how might we deal with that mental tension, that insistent conscience that is caused by the discrepancy? As long as the gap remains, I will continue to suffer from it. So the straightforward approach is to try to narrow the breach between my beliefs and my behavior. I can do that in several ways—some are healthy, some are pathological. One unhealthy way to attempt to close the gap is to weaken my belief, my values. For example, I know that lying is wrong, but I may try to justify it by telling myself that a little white lie is OK, under certain circumstances. Or: I may believe that causing harm is unethical, but I might rationalize a little damage now and then by telling myself that some situations allow violence. The tangled webs we weave!

This process of diluting my belief doesn’t necessarily have to be deceitful or dishonest, however. It may be possible that my belief is too idealistic and unrealistic, and needs some downwards adjusting, towards reality. If I believe, for example, that I can cure my cancer simply by imaging a healthy body, I may be in for a bad fall. If I think all lies are always evil, I will be a perpetual fraud.

Possibly the most common way to deal with the cognitive dissonance gap is not to try to close it at all, but find ways to rationalize one’s deficient behavior. “I was just following orders.” “I would have done right, but Joe stopped me.” If I can justify or deny why my actions fall short, I may not feel so bad.

Although the feelings surrounding cognitive dissonance can be unpleasant, the experience can be very useful; it can be a motivator for positive change and growth. When I feel the discomfort of dissonance, I can face it, honestly admit my shortcomings, accept them as the cost of being human, and pledge to do better. It will help if I can cut myself a little slack, while simultaneously asking what I might do differently next time, to close that gap a little—to learn from my shortcomings.

If I can let go of expecting easily or quickly to eliminate the dissonance, but instead put energy into figuring out a game plan that brings a steady improvement in my behavior, I may in time get my priorities straighter. One of my main reasons for living as a hermit is to give myself more opportunity to put attention into finding ways to improve my behavior, as well as maybe have a better chance at choosing valid beliefs. I find it’s easier for me to do that from outside society’s tempting mainstream.