Love Leads

I believe that, deep within, each of us inherently knows love is a meaningful and valuable virtue. I say this, despite the evidence that there seems to be an abundance of loathsome and dreadful behavior taking place on the part of humans, all over the world. The propensity for the media—as well as every one of us—is to put an inordinate amount of attention to the harmful things we humans do, rather than to our caring and helpful side. Negative press (or gossip about a neighbor) is noticed far more than positive press.

I do not think that our species would have survived to this point, had not love been a natural instinct of ours. Every one of us desires to experience love and willingly offers it, particularly in positive and healthy relationships. Similarly, we inherently prefer peace to violence—given the choice. I am convinced that only confused, fearful, and deluded people commit violence and act with hatred. People who are happy and fulfilled to not do these despicable things.

As a result of what I believe to be that innate potential to lean toward love and peace, we have established communities and religions that emphasize these virtues. At the core of every legitimate religion is the conviction that peace and love are vital virtues. These values have for millennia provided sustenance and moral support, which have helped their adherents to thrive and survive. No rightful religion teaches hatred and violence.

So why, one might reasonably ask, is there so much suffering and evil going on in the world? Why do the media feature so much of what seems to be bad behavior? Why do some supposed followers of various religions commit such atrocious actions against believers of other religions? I have no definitive answers to provide. These are perennial questions that philosophers, sociologists, civil authorities, and theologians have pondered and debated for eons.

The human record is not a pretty one. Aside from the media's fixation on violence, we have engaged in countless wars and destroyed so many of the structures, societies, and institutions that were lovingly and beneficially created. Our negative attributes have so often seemed to overshadow our positive attributes.

It appears to me that what's going on is that something gets in the way of our acting upon what I consider to be our natural and beneficial instincts. What might that be? I believe that fear is the primary barrier to wholesome behavior. Those in power—who wish to maintain their grip on power—find it useful for them to sow fear, which is an emotion that is often augmented by anger, selfishness, ego, and laziness.

It is a ceaseless struggle that we humans seemed doomed to face. Do we go to the dark side—fear, anger, hatred—or do we encourage our inspired and instinctive side? The jury seems to be currently deliberating on the opposing faces of humanity.

Love & Hate

Two words we find used in a wide variety of situations are “love” and “hate.” Without knowing something about the context in which they’re used, it’s not often clear to me what the user means by either one of these words. There are many forms of love and an equal range of hate. In particular, I find myself sometimes quite uncertain about how someone is using the word hate. While the dictionary might tell me that hate means “extreme aversion,” or “to detest,” I’m often unclear about the sentiments or actions behind the word that are meant by the user.

It seems reasonable to consider love and hate as antonyms, so it might help if I start from the standpoint of love—which I do understand better. For years I have found that Erich Fromm’s definition of love is helpful for me. He was writing, in The Art of Love, about altruistic or unconditional love (not romantic passion). He described the art of love as exemplifying four qualities: care, respect, responsibility, and understanding the other.

So starting with Fromm’s definition of love, its opposite—hate—comes better into focus for me. If to love someone is to care for them, then to hate them is to be indifferent. Second, to love someone means to respect them; to appreciate them for who they are. To hate someone, therefore, is to reject them, to demean who they are, or withhold acceptance until they change into someone I might value.

To love someone, by the third Fromm definition, is to feel responsible for them; to take action to help them when they are in difficulty, or at least to curb my actions so as not to harm them. Hatred in this sense is to turn away from them, to ignore them, to sever any connection we might have. The Good Samaritan showed admirable responsibility, when he stopped to help.

Finally, we show love by wanting to understand the other—by going out of our way to break down barriers of misconception and false impressions. Empathy is a form of understanding, when we show love by standing in the shoes of another. Hatred is denigrating the other to the point that they’re seen as not worthy of attempting to understand them.

And it all comes full circle when I realize that to be disinclined to want to understand another person is to reject them. It implies not caring, not respecting, and having no sense of responsibility. So the boundary into hatred territory is not as far away as I might think. I can quickly slip over the line, if I lack care, respect, feel no obligation, or harbor misunderstandings (that I don’t feel inclined to resolve) of someone.