Most every religious, spiritual, and
ethical tradition expresses an admonition that is often called the Golden Rule:
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It is an elegant way to
describe one's moral behavior towards others. Whether secular or religious,
Western or Eastern, this concept of treating those you encounter in a way that
you'd prefer to be treated makes logical and ethical sense. If we all would
follow this rule, our society would be far more peaceful and kind.
But too often we do not
observe this tenet. Our society is replete with behaviors that follow something
more like, “Do to others, before they get a chance to do it to you.” “Strike
first and ask questions later.” “Make them fear you, so they'll be less likely
to threaten you.” This last thought is often expressed in street language by
those who seek the respect of their peers, when they really mean they want
others to feel apprehensive about them, or even intimidated. So, while the
Golden Rule gets paid a lot of lip service, it often is not adhered to.
Despite its sage advice, there are a
couple of valid criticisms of the Golden Rule. One that I've heard expressed is
that it assumes that what you do to/for others is what they really want. However, it's based more on
what you want, implying that your desire is universal. For example, I
may want to be the center of attention and would prefer to have others place me
in the limelight. But it could backfire if I focus that public recognition on a
shy person. What is good for me may not at all be good for another person.
This criticism is quite similar to
another one: that the Golden Rule can be a little too egotistic. The thrust
behind this second critique suggests that we tend to be self-centered. The
implication is that we must strive to overcome our self-interest, in order to
make the world a better place. We must work against our inherent nature—which can
be dishonest, if not corrupt—in order to improve society. But is this
necessarily true?
There is an alternative view to either
of these ideas, as put forth by the ancient Chinese philosopher Mengzi (or
Mencius, as he became known in the West). His approach is that, at our core, we
are good. This natural tendency towards goodness of ours gets exhibited in two
ways: (1) we naturally feel love and compassion for those closest to us, and
(2) our gut reaction, when we see innocent people suffering, is to help them.
Thus Mencius tells us that we are
inherently not self-centered, thus our task is not to overcome an
egocentric nature, but to extend our natural compassion we have for those
nearby, to those at a distance. It's a very different way of opening our heart.
He makes the crucial point that those people at a distance are really similar
to close-by loved ones, so why not feel as much care for them?
A valuable byproduct of Mengzi's
philosophy is that if we learn to extend kindness outwards across the world, we
can also learn to do it for ourselves. It goes both ways. Some of us can be
hard on ourselves. We could often use a little self-compassion.