Dumb Cats

My sister and I have had a running repartee for many years, about the relative smartness (or dumbness) of cats and dogs. She insistently contends that cats are way better than dogs, when it comes to cerebral acrobatics. Cats look smart, behave regally, are extremely wily, can read your mind, are fetchingly clever, etc. Her list of intelligence adjectives seems endless.

Since she’s my older sister, and I was taught to respect my elders (mostly by her), I have rarely refuted her extravagant claims—not really agreeing with her, but not really arguing either. I’ve nobly held my silence on the matter.

My experience has been quite the opposite, however. For some 40 years my household has been continuously inhabited by both feline and canine critters. I have found my dog buddies to be considerably cleverer than the resident cats. Dogs learn faster and easier than cats do. Dogs better understand and respond to the spoken word. A dog wants to be trained how to be a contributing citizen, whereas, although you may be able to demonstrate the tiniest bit of schooling in a cat, it will cooperate only if it gets exactly what it wants. One may call that intelligent, but I call it just devilish manipulation.

Nor have I wished to ardently proclaim my dear sister to be wrong. I have been willing to concede that there just might be a cognitive difference between West Coast cats and those here in the Shenandoah Valley. Just maybe they have a subspecies of feline out there that enjoys prodigious amounts of gray matter. I’ll grant that there’s a chance it’s possible… though exceedingly improbable.

But now comes proof of my sister’s bogus belief; and from no less an authority than a professor at Canterbury Christ Church University in Kent, England. We all know, of course, that the Brits are very erudite and trustworthy folks. Psychology Professor Britta Osthaus (note this is coming from a woman, Sis) says cats just do not understand cause-and-effect connections between objects. “They performed worse than dogs,” says Dr. Osthaus. “If we know their limits we won’t expect too much of them, which in turn is important for their welfare. I am not trying to say cats are stupid, just they are different”

Sorry, Sis. I’ll try my best not to rub it in.